REPURPOSED ART IS EXHILARATING
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How do you react to a situation that has not happened before in your own life?
COVID19 bounced into 2020 to create more fear and social isolation, no one could have predicted it exactly. Since many places around the globe are on high alert from the virus, we are all at home. During the lock-in at home you might be alone, Please reach out if you are alone, make sure you feel some love from people who care about you.
I am home all day with my boyfriend, which now makes it easy to step on each other's emotions, when they are occupying your space.
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In the beginning of the COVID19 alert when he came home originally he said he hated it at home and he missed work. I took it so personal because I felt like he rejected my perfect space and place, I love my make shift art studio. Since he voiced his dislike, I tried to make him as comfy in the space as possible so I was over doing lunches and dinners just to make him feel good here (I was wearing myself ragged). When really it just isn’t his work space, he was still adjusting to the change as well.In reality though he felt out of his routine too because he wasn’t used to being with me all day. My boyfriend felt just as displaced as I did.
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Last week I finally had a huge blow up fight about boundaries with my boyfriend. I felt like I was being pushed out of my normal space because my boyfriend now works at home and needs it more for his work. I felt like his value was higher, because he’s bringing in money. I gave him my space because he needs the space for his computer and customer service headset. I just put all his needs first since he was making money, and my clientele had dried up. I pushed down my personal feelings about losing my space, and my business.
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I couldn’t figure out why I felt like I was tip-toeing around him. I came to the conclusion that he took my space and I felt displaced in our apartment. Like I was being rejected, and I wasn’t sure what this new iteration of my space was going to be for me. I would wonkily move between the living room and bedroom. There was still never enough privacy to hear my own thoughts. I didn’t like either room as much as my old window space. I couldn’t get comfortable in either room. It interrupted my routine, and I lost the feel for my own worth. It was hard to feel like I could make anything happen. I got really sad and defensive of even making daily meals.
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Neither one of us was telling the other directly how they felt, but the frustration was getting claustrophobic. All it took was one accident to seal a huge blow up. My boyfriend spilt his hot tea on my project that I had been planning and working on for weeks. HERE WE GO... As soon as he spilt the tea, his face changed and you could tell he was mortified. He quickly tried to get the tea off my project, and by rushing ripped the side of the matte board. I was a fountain of tears automatically. I was in hysterics. Every Thought came up, as the emotion flowed onto our carpet. I wasn’t making money since there were no clients, and the one thing I put a lot of extra time into he ruined. He was angry too. There was so much energy he left in a frustrated mood to take a walk. He came back after and we discussed a lot of this, and honestly communication is why I love this man.
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Times aren't the easiest but tell people what your boundaries are and what you need to feel better. This is a situation with a lot of sensitive pin points, that can easily trigger people to really break down. Be aware, Be loving!
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As an artist I have to roll with the punches of accidents, because it happens all the time. This piece started out perfect…. Perfect is overrated. When Thomas spilt on it, I cut this whole project up and repurposed it into a mixed media painting. (There is an IGTV video @eletopia_86) My frustration talks loud here, and my imperfections are celebrated. This is who I AM! It felt amazing and freeing to make this piece and I hope this story of rebuilding makes you see there is no situation that doesn’t have some hope.
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Debraslonim.com
“The COVID Reaction” 16x20 Ready to hang, no frame (Matte board reaches past the canvas)
Mixed Media piece on canvas: acrylic, paint pens, matte board, plastic, collage
$300 shipping included tax added with purchase